When My Chess Game Is Oblivious

The last game of online chess finished moments ago or a few minutes ago. I was a bundle of nerves I just could not play another game my nerves were shot even though this higher rated player lost to me that one game. I'm not tired I had plenty of rest and the caffeine was kicking in as well as the rest of my performance enhancing ...no...sorry no tease here what I do is perfectly legal unless I am declared an illegal. Can you imagine steroids becoming a problem in chess? I don't think so. But don't mind me my game is oblivious to everyone and everything no one cares about my chess game but me myself and I because I am merely an ordinary chess playing fool as one eighty five year old retired pharmacist put it at the Chinese Methodist Church in Oakland. When I asked her if she played chess she retorted remarking what a waste of time and for that matter any hobbies. And so ended that conversation with that old woman. Sorry for dragging this monologue this far. The point is that the real nerves galore lies not in my private or now public game of chess I am attempting to make public but in this World Series baseball game tonight. If the San Francisco Giants win tonight the anti baseball people will change over night including myself and even some will jump on the band wagon. The game begins now and the music I played and recorded is coming in loud and audible for the commenter who knows who is playing unlike myself has arrived in the room and has become a spectator. Okay ladies and gentlemen boys and girls it is the Detroit Tigers who will play our beloved San Francisco Giants baseball team not the Detroit Lions who are a football team. My sports educated son has just educated his father.

The Feel For Chess

If at the moment you give me a glass of milk I will make you a milk shake. This is how nervous I am it is no wonder I call this online game of chess Nerves Galore. An excellent orator John F Kennedy once said we are going to put a man on the moon not because it is easy but because it is hard. And oh my God he carried out his and our impossible dream he or we did in fact put a man on the moon thereafter. And I play the game of online chess not because it is easy but for the same reasons it is hard. And have I achieved a miracle? Not to long ago in this chess blog I was ready to pack it up for good it seemed and take up another hobby or whatever remember? The picture of the horses I drew to ride away to never never land far far away from the game of chess because I could no longer stand the torture and the agony of losing? I never could dream at that point of no returning to chess would I be still playing chess and even enjoying it but of course the nerves galore never goes away. As long as there is life in me there will my nerves when chess games are concerned. The last game I made a hit and assassinated my opponents queen hoping to carry out a perfect game but no I too blundered and gave away a rook out and out for no exchange in all the excitement of the game chess computers have no feelings they are as cold as steel when playing against them and they unlike humans do not blunder they do not make mistakes they are the super fast moving machines which calculate many thousands times faster than what a Ph D in mathematics can do. This last game I did do a wrong and I blundered but lady luck was on my side I could do a wrong and still win this game as long as my opponent blundered and he/she did big time by handing over his queen. This was a slightly higher rated chess player a human player. When I lose to a computer I say no hard feelings for machines are expected to out perform humans in a multitude of tasks. But for a human to beat me it can send my nerves to a doctor or a neurologist. And yes stress can make one more vulnerable to particular diseases but please oh please tell me you have at least an inkling of faith in something within me.

Having The Right Mind The Desire

It does help to have the right mind. If playing the game of tennis or chess isn't fun anymore then I say don't do it hold back wait for the time it can and will be a fun thing to do. I can honestly say this is what I have done in chess. I eliminated the regimented self enforced edict that I must constantly practice. Maybe it did pay off despite all the anguish and torment. But taking this new attitude the Magnus Carlsen way has enlightened me and made chess for me more enjoyable. Let there be other endeavors in my life and think of them not as these other activities not as a diversion but as a way out of being stuck in a rut of a chess burn out where finally the burn out is so great that one may never want to see a game of chess again. I was almost at that point not to say I am or was a good player but I do see an improvement in chess on the horizon after feeling of being at the verge of total collapse and extinction of the chess game permanently. You have all seen it in this blog. Anyway this is going to be my new attitude toward the game and not burn out but to play the game when I'm in the mood to do so it may not yield a long winning streak right away but it might lead to a greater desire to practice more without the torment or frustrations when I take the loses. I do see in the horizons let me repeat a time for improvement in my win/lost record and what could be so wrong with that?