The Agony And The Ecstasy

Wow this blog just won't  go away just when I thought the very life of it was over and hovering near death it was like an angel came to rescue the heart and soul what was left if any.  Death was so apparent. Most of us chess players know when a game is over yet many of us hang on despite  what little hope there is to savage a game.   In fact in major league sports it happens all the time.  They play out the game despite there is zero to no chance in winning.  The past few weeks I was in my worst chess slump ever despite a revival attempt by this television preacher man.  He spoke to me as he did to his millions of his audience and I sense his coaching but received the battle of my life another thrashing of my worst.  I'm not getting any younger and an old man like myself can't take much more.  Don't make any mistake about it the young whipper snappers are in the drivers seat.  The very young  ranked number one player of twenty one Magnus Carlsen looks like a new sprung baby he  could be out there for a very long time to come watch his style of play for years to come.  But I just had a game of all games it was a thriller I was in the zone but didn't know that I was exactly I felt very right at this crazy hour of the morning to take on any  player that came along the highest level rated player to challenge me.  I felt ready.  He played and  mixed it up sent me into an unconventional game a pattern of moves I had never used.  My game was adapted to his which usually gets me in deep trouble.  It was a difficult dance to do but  I had to calculate there was no advantage to the memory work over all except for a few basic ones which I took advantage of.  Games like this is what keeps me plugging along.  From a state of brain dead to brain alive is  what is in short order.   It wasn't a major victory this player was capable of cleaning out my clock but this time I cleaned out his first he didn't make any errors that was the game it was throughout the entire game from the get go I was with confidence giving him all the breaks and take backs he requested.  I confess however the agony and the ecstasy is so primitive.  Who needs a nervous break down?

A Cure For A Nervous Condition?

If I were to change the title of this blog or the name it might be Frustration Galore rather than Nerves Galore.  I can imagine more frustrating situations however.  My frustrations in not  being a champion in the game I can accept in fact this game of chess has made me quite humble not that I need anymore ways and means to be humble.  But why oh why you may ask do I continue to play these  games and embarrassing myself for these loses with nothing but excuses?  Well one reason is I played tennis so similar to the games in chess.  Tennis tournament for players I'd say is a young man's sport.  But don't   tell me chess isn't either look at Magnus Carlsen a mere twenty one year old very young for being ranked number one currently.  I do glance at other chess blogs.  Let me deviate a little from this blog on chess.  In fact who really wants to know about chess when the title of this blog is called Nerves Galore? There are much more situations than chess which causes a person to have their nerves go hay wire or just plain out of control.  Don't we all experience nerves gone wild out of control that  horrible feeling when things simply or more accurately confusingly go wrong?  One of the most disturbing conditions of nerves gone galore is when one is in an airplane and in flight something serious goes wrong an emergency alarm is sounded it is not a drill.  You are on a commercial airliner and only precious minutes at the most are left maybe only seconds or less.  This is by far more agonizing and frustrating and hell inducing situation than any chess match on line or no online chess game I can imagine.  Online there are more people asking why don't commercial craft have parachutes military jets do why not for civilians?  Of course the reasons are endless too long and laborious to explain it right here.  What is of utmost importance when you are going down in a plane is for you to think get me the hell a parachute give me a last chance not a chance for certain death.  Oh sure talk is cheap and that is what I'm doing I don't have to put up with the expense of such a bureaucracy for any such requirements of safety yes it is very expensive but I hate to think the lives  of my friends killed when something more may be done don't get me wrong I think the American airline industry is the safest in the world and it is getting better if only there was something I   could do to  help it along.

A Cure For The Nerves

It was and is   the Holy man or the preacher man who gave me inspiration to press on with this game known simply as chess.  The obvious is apparent after a hiatus  from the game due to burn out and a showing of little to zero and below  net results I had  taken a very long break maybe as long as a year I'm not certain for those who have let me know.  Are there really people reading this blog does anyone really care?  Can I honestly say after more than two thousand games of chess online requires nerves of steel? No  one can deny that it takes a certain kind of intelligence and if he or she is a recognized champion he or she is not suffering from a mental breakdown.  I will cover Bobby Fischer and the talk of his breakdown if any at all?  Yes I do believe there was something to his life which wasn't the prettiest story of boy makes good from rags to riches.  Preparing or  getting ready to  play a chess match really isn't that bad.  What I am about to tell you is far worst than playing chess with the fear of losing.  And what it is is in my next post.  Please pay attention to what I am about to explain.  There are things far worst than losing in chess among humans and one of the  things on the list is  going down from the air in a commercial airliner in a crash mode due to whatever the cause be it mechanical problems to enemy aircraft firing its weapons.  No one wants to go down to their death.  Read my next post to come up soon.

My Bad Is My Slow Motion

No online chess player likes a slow mover like me but I'm working on a faster game it all depends on how my medicine is kicking in and if I took enough caffeine otherwise your opponents are at the ready to denounce you right  there  on there on the spot.  However it was not my desire to torture my opponent but a meltdown was happening right in from of my eyes and in the eyes of my opponent his all powerful queen was being chased and tracked down.  Nevertheless my dream was coming true as through much of my chess  playing days practicing on the computer I would often trap and serve up the queen as pork on a silver platter.  It appeared I was torturing my opponent slowly but surely but  I would want nothing more  than a fast, quick victory.  

Halaluja

Did it come too soon?  Look at my blog and see the hopelessness with which I expressed myself with hell and damnation squeezing the very breathe out of very heart and soul collapsing my every  hope for fresh air just not that many days ago.  My torment it appeared could not be met my any formidable pain and suffering that the most dreaded disease could bring.  And yes I do have that one dreaded disease yet no one conclusive piece of evidence can come up with how I got it.  Losing at chess has been one of the most agonizing pain and suffering imaginable.  I was prepared to delete this entire blog just blow it up and destroy it for mark my words what I had said that there was little to no hope at achieving anything in life especially at the game of chess players my opponents were laughing at me as they trounced me kicked sand and dirt in my face as I lied there still and defenseless as they ground their heels into my backside and ridiculed me sneering at my lifeless motion calling me every name in the book my great weakness was their strength they gain power and prominence at the expense of my ill fate of earning one of worst slumps in chess  due to my refusal to play more games and losing losing losing.  The more games in a row I  lost the more grief I could feel what with the taunts.  Some of my opponents no doubt would have loved to meet with me and see me live on stage making me the butt of all morons.  Consider this fact
the name calling  didn't have the impact when Clint Eastwood.....pardon me.  But did this preacher man plant a seed in my brain as I so often dreamt about?  A long story needs to be made short.  My last game of chess went down as no one would have expected victory and performance was not part of the ticket.  Here goes;   my opponent wasn't too far off  in ratings of the highest rating.  I took down one of the highest rated chess  players







                         

The Preacher Man

I've got this preacher man in mind.  He's well known does the talk show circuits of the most popular shows and I think about what he has preached catering to the down and out people who don't think they have a chance in life in succeeding.  He is an optimist for sure and I saw his videos on the ways he speaks to his audience.  His words of assurance motivates a weaken mortal to look at great heights  which such a mortal soul could never hope for.  Could this be my answer when all is looking hopeless?  Can I mention his name in this blog?