I'm Alive

I took a week off normally for the past few months I have been at it almost everyday covering my pathetic chess games that no one cares to read I cannot blame any readers if I were a reader I would not want to....okay enough of the I would not want to join any club if I were in it line. I wasn't cut out to be a comedian although once in awhile I take a stab at it but I've failed so poorly at being funny. Only my wife can take a joke everyone else thinks of me as one funny guy like they need a hole in their head. I've had a small fraction of chess players take cheap shots at me but that always goes along with the territory. So I win some and I lose some but more games than I care to lose than the ones I win. Does this blog ever end? Yes it does. When it does is as good as any elses guess. Will today be the day? The wind blows hard and ugly the rain doesn't care if it damages or wear away at the body and soul it is heartless for those who cannot seek shelter. Having shelter is not a complaint of mine and to think I use to ride a motorcycle in the rain and cold with the rain and wet beating down with the chill cold wind factor eating away at my vital body temperatures was enough to send shivers throughout my entire body give to me the nerves galore beneath a roof and sheltered by walls and playing chess can be nothing less than a luxury.

It Takes A Great Champion

And the name will not be mine in big neon lights or on signs but I'll settle for the insignificant win over a 1182 rated player today. The win was significant enough for me. I get very tiring losing all the time. The thing about being a nobody there are less people to be critical in what one does. Take John Lennon or John Kennedy for instance they had but one critic looking for them and that's all it took for them to gun them down. Fame certainly isn't my problem. That is a weird story to throw in at this time you think? In this respect can't most of us feel relief that we aren't famous and need to look over our shoulders for the bad guys looking to make a name for themselves? Today's win was a clear cut; he was off guard and I took advantage. I was just looking for proper patterns which looked appropriate based on my experience and my current consciousness not in a dozing situation with my head drooping for lack of sleep. Strange and funny how life is.

Chess Is My Nerves Galore

It was just another exhibition game but having taken a nose dive if you remember crashing and bursting into flames is not my ideal of a good time. I was so nervous you would think I was facing a death sentence and in fact every time I lose a game death does stare me in the face and I am scared to death. It is just a game and I keep telling myself that. I did finally win a game but you wouldn't think so the way my nerves were shot to hell. Chess isn't a game for the faint of heart. But the ultimate high in an extreme victory is unforgettable a yearn for another one to follow for this craving that does not go away.

It's All About Chess

If you or anyone isn't winning at chess then you ought not be writing about it because no one wants to know about a loser! Is this true? No this isn't necessarily true. I haven't said anything as to the reasons why but I will spare you the reasons. What is happening is that I've been taking a nose dive again I think. Yes I still do think believe it or not how can I still be thinking when I'm take a dive in chess thinkers are those who produce and come up with results is this not correct? Too many L's and too few W's make Jack a dull boy a loser and no one wants to be associated with a loser period plain and simple. Another side hobby besides chess is music I love to sing a good song and play it on my musical keyboard but no I shall not stray from the purity of chess after all this is a chess blog. Or will I? The end of the line is reached when the death of the game is marked with the death of a player's will to produce for whatever reasons. Have I arrived there? Seemingly it has happened more than a few times. Chess is not everything I stand for or live for. For Bobby Fischer perhaps it was and the great Walter Browne who I met on the tennis courts in Berkeley maybe it was this chess game the time and energy needed to invest in this game just doesn't grow on trees anymore than money does. I better go for now I'm reaching the bottom of the line no pun intended.

Dozing Off Equals One For The No Win Column

Falling out of my chair writing checks and waking up to find my writing checks are scribbles that is not readable or legible and playing chess games against not too highly rated players and losing is a result of dozing and insomnia will do this do a poor fellow probably the sides effects of the medicines. Didn't I say playing better players is the way to improve ones game is to play better players? Yes I did say that only a day or two ago my memory serves me. Instead of sulking over a lost just think I'm playing better players and they are helping me improve my game for free! Not long ago a month or so ago I won a chess game my wife thought it doesn't take much for me to be happy you would think I won the big lottery but no it was only a one game victory in chess. Look my spell checker indicated I made no spelling errors!

Intrigue Is The Feeling

It's like the final verdict going into the game the feeling is so much like a murder trial mystery like the O.J. Simpson trial of the century. The nerves of steel can be made sometimes there is no protection against the fear of an unknown fate. I had the opportunity to speak to some of the key players but that's another story. The real story is here and it's all about chess. I shall not stray off. Or would you rather follow the Mark Fuhrman lead detective's role when he tried to crack the case and show the court and the world how his suspect was guilty of the murder of his wife? Wow this is ancient history by now. When I asked Mr. Mark Fuhrman on the air on a radio show was there not intrigue as thick as molasses in the air concerning this case? Well it's the same feeling when playing a stranger on line in a game of chess. Who will win who will lose will there be a draw?

The Feel For The Game

They were higher rated players and considering the circumstances I felt I gave them a good enough game I held my own although I failed to realize my time was running out and it did. Joe Montana would have turned it around I felt my defense was on even par more or less but my time needs improvement moving faster like lightning speed would be a small miracle. I'm too slow although at times I have been known to move with lighting speed rare as it may be. I prefer the speed of light. Look at the time it's past five in the morning those ungodly hours for those affected by insomnia are customed made for online chess players in communications with those around the world. Do I feel humiliated when I lose? Ordinarily I hate losing. No this time I do not. These players were on the mark. Ingesting caffeine would had made a difference in greater concentration which I went without being a caffeine head all the time isn't the way of my choosing unless the demands of a job like I've done before warrant it.

Playing Better Players Will Improve My Game

This is one way at looking at a lost when the player is rated higher. True I had just eaten dinner but I wasn't that groggy and not ready to doze off. A dozer is a prime target like a fish in a barrel when playing against a sharpshooter. Remember Sugar Ray Leonard when he won his fight by default his opponent had a steak just before a huge prize money fighting/boxing match (Roberta Duran) and walked off due to his inability to fight due to his indigestion; that steak did him in! I asked Sugar Ray Leonard on a radio show if he thought boxing could lead to Parkinson's disease his reply was that he didn't think getting hit helped. The moral to this story? Don't eat a big meal just before an important game or match. You will not therefore be at your peak. My 1385 or whatever higher rated player he was didn't TKO me out I was in the match like Roberta Duran I said enough no more I gave my best despite playing right after a regular meal. A better player will improve my game thinking so at least makes me feel better.

A Live Game

I lost this one but even still there is nothing like a live game to interact with the real world and not just chess playing machines. When a human beats or loses to me I take it personal even though I have few if any post game comments. A machine is only a tool up to a certain point and the last few days I've been playing machines practicing but there's nothing to report. Notice the past few days I've made no entry. Human interaction is the vital part of the game man cannot live by machine alone. I'm not forgetting women mind you. Women can become major players and champions in chess it is totally possible they do not need upper body strength like they do in football. Whether it happens this remains to be seen. The major question I posed to a friend was that a player must play a better player in order to become a better player himself. It's only logical and a common sense rule of law. The first two on line games were walk overs for me they didn't have the records the ratings and one was just clowning around with rating close to mine or higher he was practicing Hari Kari or a type of suicide a give away which happens from time to time something I've done myself I'm ashamed to admit. It's bad sportsmanship.

Playing A Rated 1401 And Winning

Is it all about ratings? You tell me. I just don't really know. But the strong hard playing machine even though it was very boring this time around gave me the training I feel to take on the higher rated players on line. Playing the human players on line is more of a buzz for me while the machine is lifeless like making love to a robot the feeling isn't there. No I never made love to a robot so....oh...sorry...this is serious talk about chess nothing to joke about mind you. There is simply more drama in playing a human in person as well as on line I take it more personal when playing a human as opposed to a machine playing chess. Ever talk to a human robot? They have them all the time when using the phone they are so much without a personality they are dull and lifeless. But make no doubt about it they the robots or chess machines can train.

Playing Below My Capability

Lost two straight games I felt I could have played a much better game and so I feel bad I knew that I would so bad so bad and take it away in reverse James Brown now passed on a legend in the singing entertainment world. I felt I wasn't in the mode to be playing a good game the feeling was just there I didn't feel the sharpness the alertness it takes to play the good game but like a loser at the casino we the losers keep playing and playing; all I'm losing however is just the exhibition games. But even those exhibition games I hate to lose. Where do I begin to tell the story of how great a true chess game can be a true chess game that is all about winning to me where do I begin(sing it to the tune of Love Story).

The Day Of No Chess Games Online

It didn't happen the action of any chess games was halted a computer glitch a memory problem my mind has gone blank you have me by the tail I cannot account why the games did not begin for the day. If God so wills it then I will commence if not then I'll go on to do something else. I'm back on Yahoo for the time being have accessed by Yahoo mail and chess games online so what can I say?